And you thought it couldn't get any worse
by untilthen
Summary: *Chapter 7-A special guest appearance!* This is a parody of all HDM fics! It's stupid! It's pointless! At times it will be stupid AND pointless! Get over it!
1. Chapter One: Lyra's Headache

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of HDM. Cause you thought I did, right?  
  
Summary: Will and Lyra parody. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of it all..but it's so fun to make fun of! Flame away.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
The park was awash in pale moonlight. The air was chilly, and Lyra shivered.  
  
"If I close my eyes." She whispered. "It will all just GO AWAY."  
  
" 'Fraid not." Will replied conversationally. "Trust me, I've tried" Lyra looked up at him, her pale blue eyes shining with anger, annoyance, and the desire to kill the annoying fan fiction writer watching them from behind a shrubbery.  
  
Will put a calming, or rather, restraining hand on her shoulder. "Breathe." He told her.  
  
"But-" she whined.  
  
Will raised an eyebrow at her. "See? It's already getting to you."  
  
Lyra growled. "I don't whine. Since when do I whine? It's that damn fiction.oh god, now I'm swearing?" she shot an angry glance at the fanwriter. "Please, let's at least be original here."  
  
"Don't fight it." Will advised wisely. "It's a phase. It'll pass. Trust me."  
  
"At least there aren't any Mary-Sues." Lyra conceded, allowing him to lead her to a strategically placed bench. She looked over at the fan writer. "There aren't any Mary-Sues, are there?"  
  
"Errrr." the fangirl said. "Probably not."  
  
Lyra nodded with satisfaction and relaxed a smidgen. "So," she asked Will. "What happened this time?"  
  
"I fell through a plot hole." He explained. "You see, despite the fact that we would eventually cause the end of sentient existence by being together, the angels forgot to mention that we can randomly open portals and transport ourselves through them."  
  
"Not that old shtick." Lyra moaned. She paused and frowned. "Oh, I'm angsty."  
  
"I noticed."  
  
"It's murder, I tell you. Didn't these god**** people read the god**** books!?!?!"  
  
"Why are you speaking in asterisks?" Will asked.  
  
"I don't know, god****it!" Lyra shrieked, her eyes wide with fear.  
  
Just then, Kirjava and Pan fell through a plot hole in the unrealistically clear night sky.  
  
"Pan, where have you been?" Lyra asked. "Oh, the writer forgot about me until now." Pantalaimon explained. "Same goes for her."  
  
Lyra shot a nasty glare at the fanwriter. She trembled and quickly wrote the first diversion that came to her mind. A beautiful girl sprung fully formed from nowhere, trailing with her a sleek unicorn daemon.  
  
Will was instantly smitten. He shut his eyes tightly, still feeling the presence of the girl intensely.  
  
The girl laughed softly. Lyra rolled her eyes and then immediately felt bad for rolling her eyes at such a beautiful and powerful creature.  
  
"Dammit." She muttered. She turned to the girl. "Who are you?" she asked predictably.  
  
The girl, predictably, smiled wisely and replied, "Hush a moment, will you? I have to finish thinking angsty, poor-me thoughts. The introductions aren't until the next chapter."  
  
"Oh right, sorry." Lyra nodded. Pan perched on her shoulder and whispered.  
  
Right now we're jealously thinking about how much we hate this girl we've never met because will has fallen in love with her."  
  
Lyra closed her eyes and then rounded on the fanwriter. "You said no Mary- Sues!" she growled. "And stop making me growl, I'm not completely unhinged, you know."  
  
Will made moony eyes at the yet-to-be-introduced Mary Sue.  
  
The fanwriter shrugged meekly. "Well, it's an important part of the story."  
  
Lyra rolled her eyes and then turned to Will, smacking him hard across the face.  
  
"Ouch!" he cried, staring disbelievingly at her with disbelief, the fanwriter wrote redundantly.  
  
"Hurry up and finish your boring inner-monologue about the beautiful stranger." Lyra said. "It's almost time for chapter two."  
  
________________________________________________________________________ 


	2. Chapter Two: In which Will swoons

Chapter Two  
  
  
  
  
  
Will and Lyra waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
"Are you quite DONE?" Lyra growled at the fanwriter.  
  
"Oh, just ignore her." The Mary-Sue said, her raven locks blowing in the previously nonexistent breeze.  
  
Will, of course, swooned, thinking half-written thoughts about how beautiful and mysterious this mystery girl was. His inner monologue about it might have spanned two pages if Lyra hadn't moved threateningly towards the fanwriter.  
  
"All right, I'm done." She sighed.  
  
"I'm Krystal." The girl said finally, her voice both soft and appealing. "Princess Krystal Amethyst Moonglow Silken-touch. I'm from another dimension."  
  
Will swooned. And then frowned, annoyed that his role in this chapter was mainly going to be swooning. And then swooned.  
  
Lyra gritted her teeth. The pain behind her eyes was now blinding.  
  
"Could you perhaps lessen my headache a tad? Jealousy does not bring on headaches."  
  
"Oh, sorry." The fanwriter apologized and quickly scribbled something down in her notebook.  
  
"So you're Lyra." Krystal said, smiling serenely.  
  
"Yeeesssss.." Lyra replied. Mary-Sues had a talent for stating the obvious as though it were greatly important. It was a talent to be admired, but never imitated.  
  
"I've come to help you save the world." Krystal said predictably. "But first to steal the love of your life and blind you with my beauty."  
  
"Ah." The fanwriter said.  
  
All six of them (including the previously forgotten daemons) looked at her.  
  
"I've just figured out a spectacular ending, sorry, sorry, continue."  
  
"Er, yeah, where was I?"  
  
"Introductions." Krystal told her helpfully.  
  
Will swooned. He had never met a girl, no, woman so gorgeous, perfect, etc. etc. in his entire life. "I think I'm in love with you." He told Krystal. Then looked quickly at Lyra, as if to apologize. A confused look came over his face. "Wait."  
  
Lyra smiled sympathetically. "I'm extremely jealous." She said before she realized what she was saying.  
  
Will looked over at the fanwriter. "Oh come ON." He groaned.  
  
She was furiously scribbling in her notebook and took no notice of him. Or the fact that he had brown hair, because Krystal ran her delicate hand lovingly through his ash blonde hair and said. "That's so sweet. But first we have to save the world." She said, her deep green eyes twinkling. Appealingly, obviously.  
  
"Oh COME ON!" Will cried. "This is getting out of hand." He looked at Lyra for support but she was muttering to herself.  
  
"It's denial first, dammit, why can't I ever remember the god**** order of these god**** fanfics?! Dammit!"  
  
"Lyra." Will put a hand on her slender shoulder. She looked up at him, her pale blue eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Oh WILL!" she sobbed, throwing herself uncharacteristically on him.  
  
"Er.a little help?" he mumbled into her hair.  
  
Lyra continued sobbing. Never mind that she rarely cried, and found it all rather distasteful.  
  
Krystal put a hand on her shoulder, and using her magic healing power, made Lyra feel better. Lyra immediately stopped crying.  
  
Pan, who had disappeared along with Kirjava and the unicorn daemon when the writer forgot they existed appeared out of nowhere to comfort Lyra. Lyra rubbed her eyes and sniffled.  
  
Krystal stroked her daemon, comforting it. Disappearing is quite disconcerting. "Well," she said. "Now it's time for the great evil that only I have prior knowledge of to show up."  
  
They all looked at the fanwriter.  
  
"Errrr," she said. "Gimme a minute."  
  
"God, she talks like a Harry Potter fanfic writer. What's with all the 'errrr's? No one rally says 'er' when they're confused, do they?" Lyra said.  
  
"Only in the Potterverse." Krystal said wisely. "I should know, I've spent a lot of time there."  
  
They waited.  
  
"Er," the fanwriter said, once again displaying her excellent vocabulary. "On to the next chapter." ________________________________________________________________________ 


	3. Chapter Three: The Alethometer and the i...

Chapter Three: The Alethometer and the importance of Spellcheck  
  
I actually got reviews! Yippee skippy! Thanks to Zephdae, Sheltigrrl, and Sasery!!  
  
Just to clear a few things up, this story is quite confusing to me as well as you. Some parts are supposed to be being (is that right? be being? oh well) written by our illustrious (or perhaps illustrated? lol. sorry, bad joke) fangirl. Though it is all really written by me. Hopefully you can disinguish...otherwise...tough cookies.  
  
Disclaimer: Stick it in your ear  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The moonlight had begun to fade away, slowly being replaced by the dim glow of the approaching morning. Lyra hadn't slept all night and was very tired. And grumpy. Krystal, who had been sitting in the same postiong for the last 10 hours didn't look fatigued at all, she simply smiled serenely. Will sat quietly on the garden wall. No one was quite sure what he was thinking. Not even the fangirl, who was busy writing her next chapter. As all fangirls know, the canon characters tend to get very grouchy if there story isn't written properly and with punctuality. And Lyra was beginning to get surly.  
  
So she decided to consult the Alethometer. Which was convieniently nestled in her embossed, laminated, embroidered blue rucksack. No one bothered to know how it had gotten there. Anywhoo, Lyra reached inside and pulled out a square, copperish sort of instrument, with a black onyx-looking face and a large red button that said DO NOT PUSH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. She stared.  
  
"Er..." Will said. "What is that?"  
  
Lyra growled wth irritation. "I have no idea. It's not an A-L-E-T-H-I-O-M-E- T-E-R." She glared meaningfully at that the writer, who blushed properly.  
  
"Sorry." She mumbled.  
  
Lyra rolled her eyes and ooked away in disgust, turning her attention on the bluntish square in her hands. "What do you think it does?"  
  
"Can I have a look at it?" Krystal asked, her voice so winning that Lyra handed it over immediately. She needn't have bothered because as everyone knows, Mary-Sues are all telekinetic. Which the fangirl reminded her of accordingly.  
  
Will smiled admiringly.  
  
"It seems to be some sort of...." Krystal trailed off morbidly and looked mysteriously at Will and Lyra.  
  
"Some sort of WHAT?" Lyra demanded.  
  
"I can't...I can't say." A tear rolled down Krystal's face.  
  
Lyra coughed something that sounded vaguely threatening and snatched the Alethometer back.  
  
"You know," Will spoke up finally, in a rather pained voice. "Not to dissapoint the lusters and the shipper-fanatics out there, but I'd prefer to have an active role in this story." he paused. "And I'd prefer my natural hair color as well."  
  
The fangirl looked puzzled.  
  
Will started to say something else, but abruptly, the four felt themselves spinning into a Twilight Zone-esque black hole. Music and everything. Lyra had pressed the DO NOT PUSH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES button. 


	4. Chapter Four: Lyra and her namemistake O...

Chapter Four: Lyra and her namemistake  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The ground where they landed was unusually cold and hard, for dramatic affect, Lyra supposed.  
  
"Where are we?" the words were spoken by the fangirl.  
  
"As if we know," Lyra replied bitingly. "It's your fanfic."  
  
The fangirl shrugged. "Well it's your universe."  
  
"Well, actually, I don't think it is...anymore." Will said hesitantly.  
  
"Not a crossover?!" Lyra said, panic in her voice.  
  
"No, no." Will assured her quickly. "Just...I think we're in another world."  
  
"That can only mean one thing..." Lyra groaned.  
  
"Yes!" The fangirl squealed happily.  
  
"What?" Kirjava voiced Will's internal monologue. Will jumped, startled by the sudden reappearance of his daemon.  
  
"Alternate dimensions." Krystal told them all in a superior voice. "Create alternate canon characters. Or, at least in the minds of SOME dilusioned fanfic writers..." she shot an uncharacteristically nasty look at the fangirl.  
  
The fanfic writer was quite upset. All her characters were rebelling against her! There was only one thing to do...  
  
As Will, Lyra, and Krystal took stock of their surroundings (no one knew where the daemons had dissapeared to) a chill crept into the air, sending shivers of fear up their spines.  
  
"Really," Lyra said. "Do you have to be SO melodramatic?"  
  
"Er...sorry."  
  
The previously unmentioned door flew open and a girl entered, though no one could see her face in the convenient shadows. Nevermind that it was daytime.  
  
Lyra shivered and a low, wary moan escaped her lips. She screwed up her face and shot daggers (metaphorically, of course) at the fanwriter. "HONESTLY...Is this really necessary?"  
  
"Er...yes?"  
  
Lyra let out a spew of asterisks.  
  
The girl in the shadows stepped forward. She was small and rather wiry, with pale blue eyes and hair that would be a darkish blonde if it were clean. She smiled, and all three of them gasped melodramtically.  
  
Will stared. "Lyra?" he ventured after a moment.  
  
She laughed lightly. "No, silly. Even fanfic writers don't have enough power to make copies of canon characters...I'm a product of many, many irritating spelling mistakes. You probably ended up here because of a spelling mistakes? Anyway, I'm Lira." or, at least that's what she MEANT to say. What everyone else in the room heard was: "No, silly. Evn fanfc writers dont hav enouh power to mak copys of canin characts...I'm a prodict of many, many, iritatting spelling mistakez. U probly ended up her becuz of a speling mistak? Anyway, Im Lira."  
  
Lyra closed her eyes. "This isn't funny anymore. It just isn't funny. Why can't you leave our lives alone?" she groaned.  
  
"Because I loved the books so much." the fanwriter explained. "They...inspired me."  
  
"Inspired you to this?" Will's voice was incredulous.  
  
"Er...well, yeah."  
  
"Anywa," Lira said. "We shuld get ot of her prtty soon. I hear u have 2 save the world and all?"  
  
Lyra took several deep calming breaths. "How did you hear that?"  
  
"Oh, thngs gt arund. We lik to kep track of th storys that r goin arund incase were neede, u kno?"  
  
"Who's 'we'?" Will asked.  
  
"Oh, you know- Herry Potter, Prof's Mcgonnagel, Dumbeldur, the occasinal tolkin chractur- Lengolas, Baromer..." she continued on in a droning sort of monotone.  
  
"Er...that's...that's QUITE enough." Krystal spoke up, to the relief of all, even Lyra.  
  
"Yeh. Wll, shall we go thn?"  
  
"Go...where?" Will asked.  
  
"Well, u cant STAY here." Lira replied, as though that were obvious. "U'll have 2 b trnsported ack...the elvs will know what to do."  
  
Somehow, none of them were comforted by that. 


	5. Chapter Five: Another Plot Device

Chapter Five: Another plot device  
  
Thanks to my faithful reviewers! Or, reviwers...lol. I love you all!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lyra, Will, Krystal, and an extremely humbled fangirl followed Lira down the neraly deserted streets.  
  
"Not so fun when you're trapped in your own fanfic is it?" Lyra grumbled to the writer.  
  
She blushed. " Er...I've apologized, haven't I?"  
  
"Well, you could write in something decent, couldn't you? Like how about, all of a sudden Will and Lyra fell through a plot hole back into their own worlds and lived happily ever after. WITH their daemons."  
  
"What about me?" Krystal pouted attractively.  
  
Will swooned. And then yawned. Swooning constantly is a big drain.  
  
"You're an OC, I don't know what to do with you." Lyra said.  
  
Krystal began to cry silent, brave tears.  
  
Her inner monologue went something like this: Why must the world be jealous of my fantastic beauty, talent, and goodness? I've had such a disadvantaged childhood, everyone must love and adore me, nevermind that love and adore are synonyms. They must all drool over the ground I tread, and admire my impeccable taste in footwear as well...etc. etc. you get the idea.  
  
"Oh stuff it." Lyra snapped.  
  
The fangirl shrugged.  
  
"You know, I was wondering if you've got this story planned out or if you're just making it up as you go along?" Will asked.  
  
"Er...well, I sort of...I mean...er...well kinda. I like to stay open to inspiration...er..."  
  
"You said 'er' three times in the last sentence. That's the fourth time you've said it just in this chapter." Lyra commented.  
  
"E-I mean, um. Oh?" the fanwriter blushed and turned back to Will. "Um, what was your question?"  
  
"Is the end in sight? Because frankly, I'm bored. And I can't understand a single word she's saying."  
  
They all turned to look at Lira. "...and as u all well kno, th mane part of th storie is th chrater, an so whn peeps mak splling errers they al get, u kno, well, usd."  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Five."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Guys, arguing isn't going to help anything."  
  
*Swoon* (A/N: Betcha can't guess!)  
  
"Well, hre we r!" Lira announced, or annonced, if you prefer.  
  
"Yeah, but where's here?"  
  
"Here's here."  
  
"That doesn't answer my question, where are we?"  
  
"Hre!"  
  
"Where's here?"  
  
"Errr..."  
  
"Six!"  
  
"Oh be quiet."  
  
"Well we wouldn't be in this mess if..."  
  
"Maybe we should just go inside... if these...elvs...can help us, we'd better let them."  
  
"If they're created by HER..."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Well it's true."  
  
"Please, please don't argue, it reminds me of my parents when they were getting a divorce!"  
  
Will held Krystal's hand sympathetically. "Don't worry, we'll all get out of her alive."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said..." Will went pale. "I said..."  
  
Lira looked worried. "U relly shuldn't stay her muc longr."  
  
"What's happening to us?" Lyra demanded.  
  
"WEll I suppos that th...well, its strting to affect u. U know? An if u sta then u'll change...whic might chang the canon...wich culd...destroy the entire fanfic univres!" Her voice was low and dramatic, intended to strike fear and worry into their hearts.  
  
There was a pause as Will and Lyra looked at each other.  
  
Finally Lyra spoke. "The end of the universe? Is that all? What were you so worried about then?" 


	6. Chapter six: Plot devices and a happy? e...

Chapter Six: Plot devices and a happy (?) ending  
  
Lalalalala...reviews, reviews...I know I am lingering a bit on spellcheck. This is the last chapter involving it, however, and thankfully.  
  
  
  
Several hours later:  
  
  
  
"I have a thought." Krystal said.  
  
"Oh, you have thoughts?" Lyra snapped. Her temper was growing very short.  
  
Krystal looked hurt. "Of course I have thoughts. How do you think I have all of those page-spanning inner monologues?"  
  
"I never really thought about it." Lyra replied shortly. This day had not been one of her better days, in fact, if she said so herself, and she did, it had been pretty disastrous. And it wasn't likely to improve as she had been sitting in a small over air-conditioned room with Krystal, the fanfic writer, Will, who by now had suffered minor brain damage from all the swooning, and the E.L.V.S (no one knew what it stood for) receptionist, a small girl with rather bushy hair named Hermoine.  
  
"Well, I happen to have thoughts." Krystal huffed.  
  
"Congratulations on that." She glared at the fangirl. "Can't YOU get us out of here?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Seven." Lyra growled. "You know, how about you just write us out of here? It's YOUR fic. Can't you just write, say, Will and Lyra fell through a large plot hole into their own world and lived happily ever after...say, even with our daemons?"  
  
"What about me?" Krystal asked.  
  
"You're OC...no one know where the hell you belong." Lyra told her bluntly.  
  
Krystal cried silent, brave tears.  
  
"Well, no, I mean...er..."  
  
"Eight..."  
  
Just then Lira clomped down the stairs, a large package held in her hands, wrapped in a black velvet cloth.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Th anser 2 al ur prombles." Lira replied brightly.  
  
"Not ALL of our promblems, I'm sure." Lyra mumbled, shooting a glance at the fangirl.  
  
Lira sighed and handed her the package. Lyra unwrapped it carefully. Inside was a device that looked similar to the Alethometer. It was blunt and sqarish, but it was a strange grayish color that Lira explained was called wilver. And the face was a darkish color, balck, and there was even a large button that was the color of puke.  
  
"Urple." Lira told her with a sigh.  
  
The button read: ONLY PRESS THIS BUTTON UNDER THE UNLIKELY CIRCUMSTANCE THAT YOU ARE TRAPPED IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. IN FACT, IT IS SO UNLIKELY THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, IF IT HAS YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T PRESS THE BUTTON ANYWAY.  
  
"Er-"  
  
"NINE."  
  
"Oh hush, both of you." Krystal said.  
  
Will stared at her in an adoring torpor.  
  
"Good luc." Lira said with a worried smiled on her face.  
  
Lyra pressed the button.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
YAY!!!! An END to spellcheck jokes. Which were lame and getting quite broing if I do say so myself. (And I do) Anyway, sorry this chapter was so short, but I wanted to move on. 


	7. Chapter Seven: Why songfics are EEEVVVIL...

Lyra lay very still, barely breathing and not daring to open her eyes. Please. She said silently. I swear I'll never eat another pastry again if it's just a nightmare. Please...  
  
"Lyra, open your eyes." Krystal's voice said.  
  
Lyra groaned. Pan nipped comfortingly and her fingers. With a sigh the girl sat up, opening her eyes slowly. They were on a cliff overlooking the sea. The fangirl was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Where are we?" Lyra asked.  
  
Krystal gave her a wise look and didn't say anything. Her unicorn daemon was standing regally beside her looking equally wise.  
  
"Someone better tell me what's going on." Lyra mumbled. "Where's that f***ing fangirl?" she sighed. "Well she's around here somewhere, anyway."  
  
"Where fangirls are, asterisks follow." Krystal agreed.  
  
"And where's Will?" The two girls looked around in confusion for a moment before Lyra gasped in horror and profound fear. Will was standing precariously at the edge of the cliff, looking down. She scrambled dramatically to her feet and raced toward him, though it took much longer than it would in real life. She had time to inner monologue two whole pages about how much she loved him and could never lose him and forgave him for falling in love with Krystal and she would be very happy for him either way- you get the idea-before she actually reached him.  
  
"Wiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllll!!!!" She cried.  
  
He looked at her. "What?"  
  
"Don't jump." she said breathlessly.  
  
His expression was one of confusion. "Um, I wasn't going to. I was just trying to figure out where we were." he paused. "But now that you mention it-" His eyes filled with years of unshed tears as the sounds of Mariah Carey's 'Never too far' floated around them"Lyra," he said, his voice choked. "I love you too much to ever live without you."  
  
She frowned. "Um, hi? Right here. Where is that music coming from?"  
  
"Over there." he pointed. A few yards away Mariah gyrated to the music and lip-synched unconvincingly as a speaker played behind her and a band pretended to actually play the music. They waved. She waved back. "But anyway, back to the subject." Will continued, his voice once again choking up. "I love you too much to live without you. Every single day I die a little more. And I...I just can't take it anymore, I-"  
  
"I won't let time erase..." Mariah sang "One bit of yesterday..."  
  
"Well, I get that." Lyra said. "But Will, we promised Xaphania that we'd work to make the world a better place so that the window for the world of the dead could stay open."  
  
"I know." He said, tears running down his face. "But I just can't. I'm sorry Lyra. I...I love you. Goodbye." He took out a knife.  
  
"Where did you get that?" Lyra's eyes widened dramatically in fear.  
  
"Oh, just, you know, lying around."  
  
"Will, don't. This isn't you. This is the fanfic. I can't believe you're going to slit your wrists, Will, listen to me-"  
  
"Oh not just that." he corrected her. "I'm going to jump off the cliff too."  
  
"What? What good would that do you? You're going to die anyway."  
  
"Though we can never be..." Mariah crooned louder, obviously annoyed that they were ignoring her diva-ness "I'll keep you close to me..."  
  
"Not necessarily." he said. "Actually, you won't kill yourself slitting your wrists most of the time unless you cut an artery. Most people don't know that."  
  
"Hm." Lyra said speculatively. "But still-"  
  
"And besides, inner-monologues are a lot more exciting when you're 30 seconds from death, don't you think?"  
  
"I wouldn't really know..."  
  
"Yeah. Well. Anyway. Like I said, Goodbye forever Lyra, I love you..."  
  
She sighed exasperatedly and snatched the knife away from him. "Will, snap out of it!"  
  
"In my mind...In the memories I'll find solace..." Mariah's voice had gone into irritatingly squeaky pitches and Lyra turned on her furiously.  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" she yelled. "I'm kind of having a situation right now!"  
  
"It's mood music." the popstar pouted.  
  
"Whatever." Lyra snarled. "Just keep it down. And stop doing that squeaky thing, the fanwriter seems to think it gives me a headache." Will smiled sadly. "I love you." he said.  
  
"I KNOW." Lyra replied exasperatedly. "You've said it a million times. Look, Will, I love you too and I don't want you to die, okay? So come on, just...step away from the cliff."  
  
He shook his head slowly and with great effect. Slowly, more slowly than normal, he jumped off the cliff. The scream that escaped Lyra's lips was cut short as Kyrstal on her unicorn daemon swooped down out of nowhere (apparently the unicorn was a Pegasus too) and caught Will before he hit the ground. Slowly the horse flew back upwards and landed gracefully in front of a shocked Lyra.  
  
"Oh my god." Will said as he slid shakily off of the unicorn daemon. Krystal looked slightly flushed. There was that whole not-touching other people's daemons thing, Lyra mused, but she had assumed Mary-Sues, loving everyone and everything had no issue with it.  
  
Lyra threw her arms around Will, feeling the irritating urge to cry again. "Don't ever do that again!" she said angrily.  
  
He nodded against her shoulder. "Yeah. Yeah I definitely won't"  
  
"Let's go find that god**** fangirl." Lyra growled. "She is sooooooo dead."  
  
"Um, excuse me?"  
  
They all turned. Mariah was smiling fakely at them. "It seems y'all have some issues." she said sympathetically. "I totally get that. Let me give you my therapists phone number, he's really great."  
  
Lyra felt another headache coming on. 


End file.
